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The following letter was mailed to Howard Stern many months ago.
Thus far, he has not responded.
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Dear Mr. Stern:
Enclosed is a cassette that I hope you can find some time to listen to. Don't worry -- it's not a demo tape or anything like that. It's just two songs that I think you might benefit from hearing.
The first song, "Oh Yoko!" is by John Lennon. It is about his wife, Yoko Ono. The second song is by Paul McCartney. It's called "My Love." He wrote it with his wife, Linda, who doesn't know music from shmusic.
Upon initial listens, both songs will sound like utter nonsense. "Oh Yoko!" screams for the more honed musical focus of Paul; "My Love" could use hefty portions of Lennon's punkish soul. Both are pretty silly. But listen closely, Mr. Stern, and you will hear the most wonderful sound imaginable, for this is the sound of men staring into their wives' eyes.
It's a self-absorbed sound, a hokey sound, an embarrassing sound, a sound that submits retirement and defeat. But I think it's time that you embrace this sound.
Not to butt into your personal affairs, but it seems as if you might want to 86 the radio show and spend some time just hanging out with your estranged better half. I know that you've already explained how you thought about putting your career on hold and working on your marriage -- and decided against it -- but I think you should seriously reconsider.
It may seem unusual for talented people to prematurely retire from a craft they know inside and out so that they can stare into somebody's eyes. But I think plenty of people do this -- society just keeps them hidden, because they are the people who are actually happy. They are the people who don't whine all the time. They are the people who don't go around saying "I hate Mondays!" and "I hate Tuesdays even more than Mondays!" and "Just a few more till the weekend!" and "Well, at least tomorrow's Friday!" and "TGIF!" They're invisible and they're happy and they're off in a cave somewhere examining their wives' eyes.
I'm no expert on any of this stuff myself. I listen to the show "Loveline" a lot, but mostly just to laugh at teenagers. I don't know squat about people's eyes. I just think you made a bad decision, that's all.
Sincerely,
Jay Ruttenberg
P.S. Imus rules!
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