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EDITORIAL:
Do You Remember Rock 'n' Roll Radio?
Recently, Howard Stern acquired the rights to remake a pair of lowbrow classics, Porky's and Rock 'n' Roll High School. On the surface, the marriage between the golden-tongued radio comic and puckish old movies would seem ideal. Like the films, Stern's sensibility favors meager budgets, crude fanfare and quick jokes born of high-school-cafeteria boredom. Particularly with the beautifully doltish Porky's, one envisages Stern creating a faithfully brusque rendition. (Although fears that he updates the movie's mid-20th century Southern milieu and exchanges its nudie scenes' unparalleled humor for coarseness do exist.)
Rock 'n' Roll High School, on the other hand, is a more sensitive project. Few pictures have captured the vivacity and preposterousness of rock & roll better than the 1979 original. Much of the movie's greatness hinges on its inherent absurdity: namely, the inclusion of the Ramones as its resident rock stars. Though unintended -- the film was initially conceived as a vehicle for the fat-headed Aerosmith -- the final Rock 'n' Roll High School, like the songs of its stars, parodied the very youth culture that it celebrated. Most notably, the movie employed Joey Ramone -- pasty-skinned, gawky, gentle-minded -- as its object of desire, a nerdier leading man than Woody Allen himself.
Despite his wretched politics and rotten taste in music, the enduringly funny Howard Stern understands the intricacies of nerdom. Whether he will honor the picture's peculiarities is another matter. The mere thought of the remade film replacing Joey Ramone with Gene Simmons or Sum 41 is stomach-turning. If Stern plays his cards right, however, his version of High School could be nearly as compelling as the original. The most efficient way for Stern to succeed is switching the movie's gender roles, replacing the Ramones with a young female rock band (the most obvious candidate being the Donnas). And as for the rebellious high schooler, lusting after guitar-adorned idols? We recommend the radio announcer look no farther than the wall-to-wall mirrors that undoubtedly cover his bathroom. As a creepy old man playing an innocent youngster, Stern will enter a noble tradition whose ranks include Harpo Marx, Pee-Wee Herman... and, of course, Joey Ramone.
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